I've got time off at the moment because my work has been shut over the xmas period, and new years. So, I thought I would go and see my dad in London. We haven't had the best of relationships, I cut him off 2 years ago, and only recently (june 2008) got back in touch with him.
question why I got back in touch with him.. his whole life is fucking pathetic, and so is he. He is 46. He lives in a room, no bigger than my bathroom, in a house which someone else owns, and 3 other people live in. When I go there, I don't sleep on the couch, or in a spare bed, no I sleep on the floor in his room with a blanket to cover me and a few shitty cushions. I'm 18 in 2 months, I don't want to be sharing a room with him, plus neither do I want to be sleeping on the floor when its minus 3C outside and he refuses to have the heating on.
So, what did we do.. lots of fun interesting things, (seeing as I don't see him very often)? No, on Saturday he dragged me to see one of his relatives who I haven't seen since I was 9 years old. I don't know her well at all. Shes Greek, just like my dads side of the family is and for 5 fucking hours I sat there bored shitless while they talked away - in GREEK! I don't fucking know Greek, I was born in ENGLAND. I tried to join in the conversation but oh no, she didn't understand a word I said.
So, at about 5pm we left, only to go to YET ANOTHER relatives house. Luckily, its my untie, who is amazing, nothing like my dad, even though they are brother and sister. We got there, and the first thing my dad said was "oh can we watch the Sweeney on ITV4 please?" Just encase you don't know, its a black and white police drama. My cousins were there, they are 10 and 15 years old. They didn't want to watch it, nor did me, my untie, or uncle. So I suggested we watch Shaun of the dead. My dad got in a complete strop, he was fucking acting like he was 5 years old. He refused to eat any of the 5 pizzas we ordered, drink any of the beer my uncle brought, or even WATCH the film. For 2 fucking hours he turned away from the screen and sulked like a 5 year old.
I went in the kitchen with my untie and uncle and I was talking to them about what I should do/say seeing as me and my dad had to get the tube home later on, and she just told me to ignore him, maybe put my headphones in and listen to music. Then she asked what I had been up to, and I told her fuck all, hes dragged me round relatives all day. She went SKITZ. She got him in the kitchen and asked why he was taking his 17 year old son to see relatives when I only see him once every 2 months, maybe 3? He said he had no money which then erupted into an argument.
Basically, the reason he has no money, is because he used to spend £140 an hour on prostitutes. He wasted away his share of the money he got from when my parents divorced and sold our house in London. The only reason he stopped was because he got a girlfriend in Hong Kong. Now, let me tell you about her. She doesn't talk much English, she lives in hong kong, and shes only the 2nd relationship my dad has ever had in his life, my mum being the first. Hes seen her twice, and they've been "dating" nearly 2 years. Nothing of him, no pictures, wall messages, even relationship status is set to single on her facebook. Am I the only one who thinks hes desperate, and she doesn't give a fuck?
Anyway, he shouted at my uncle, asking him what he would do with my cousin if he was 17 as well, and my uncle said probably off the top of his head 20 things? I won't lie, I sat there fucking sad and jealous because my uncle would do anything with his kid, and the most my dad can think of is to take me to boring ass relatives.
I went home.. and sat on the train, with my headphones in, really upset. To make matters worse, he swore, out loud, in the middle of the tube; "FUCKING HURRY THE FUCK UP" simply because the tube driver stopped at a station, opened the doors and let passengers get on. He refuses to have any form of anger management, and tells me to shut the fuck up if I say anything close to getting help.
I got back to his, at about 1am. and it was freezing cold.. "can you put the heating on dad?" no, waste of money. So, I laid on the floor, in his room, freezing cold in my jeans and t-shirt, wrapped in a blanket and tried to sleep. I couldn't.
ALL I wanted to do, was to talk to someone.. text someone.. but my phonebook has 4 telephone numbers in it, because yes, I have no fucking friends.
Sunday, He dragged me out to see his mum.. ugh.
I'm fucking bored shitless at home, I went to London thinking I would be entertained, but I just ended up bored as always.
Fuck this shit.
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Work is a bit hard at the moment.
Yeah so currently I'm working silly hours at the moment. Last weekend over the 2 days (saturday and sunday) I worked a total of 26 hours. 26! I am fucked. Haha, I can't keep doing it.. its killing me! I am so tired its unbearable, and even if I sleep 10+ hours I still end up yawning and falling asleep. I've had today off work because I am too tired to even bother. I've also picked up a bad eating habbit at the moment because i'm not having enough time to eat properly any more. I'm living off chocolate bars and red bull to be honest. I can go through 4-5 cans on a good busy night AKA friday and satuday night, during the week though I drink 2 a day.
I do love my job, and I would never leave, but sometimes I wish I had a nice simple 9-5 office job, or working in a retail shop like GAME or HMV .. but heyy.
My friend got burgled today.. he lives in Charminster and somehow his whole house got trashed and stuff got stolen.. xbox 360.. 52inch plasma tele.. the works. BUT, the plan was floored and the story given away because an old college friend was passing by his house and saw a car being loaded up with a ton of 19 looking year olds hanging about. He carried on walking thinking nothing untill my mate called him and found out the story. Now it all makes sense because last week my friends house keys were stolen while about 10 people were round and we were all getting completely high on some grade a weed. Someone musta given the keys to some theives and got them to rob him. The police are still making enquires.
I don't really know what else to write, I haven't done much at all lately because I've worked so much.. I still keep up my eregular weed smoking nights but hey why not!
I do love my job, and I would never leave, but sometimes I wish I had a nice simple 9-5 office job, or working in a retail shop like GAME or HMV .. but heyy.
My friend got burgled today.. he lives in Charminster and somehow his whole house got trashed and stuff got stolen.. xbox 360.. 52inch plasma tele.. the works. BUT, the plan was floored and the story given away because an old college friend was passing by his house and saw a car being loaded up with a ton of 19 looking year olds hanging about. He carried on walking thinking nothing untill my mate called him and found out the story. Now it all makes sense because last week my friends house keys were stolen while about 10 people were round and we were all getting completely high on some grade a weed. Someone musta given the keys to some theives and got them to rob him. The police are still making enquires.
I don't really know what else to write, I haven't done much at all lately because I've worked so much.. I still keep up my eregular weed smoking nights but hey why not!
Sunday, 19 October 2008
4 months have passed, so much has changed.
Honestly? I gave up with this stupid blog thing. Back in the beginning of June (which was when I last posted) I began working alot.. and I just lost the time to write to this. Before I wrote this I looked back on my past posts, the things I spoke about, my opinions.. everything. The one thing I noticed from all of this was how much things have changed since I last posted. This is probably going to be the biggest blog entry yet.. and it will explain my summer and how things changed.
I began working in the hotel in June.. it wasn't quite the busy summer period yet but we were still busy enough to be doing alot of people for lunch and dinner. I made alot of friends there.. or so I thought. Carli, wow, this was the girl I liked.. nice waitress, 20 years old. I can't believe how fucking stupid I was to even like or look at her. She is a complete bitch, like all girls. Me and Carli met up a few times outside work.. she introduced me to weed, we did a few spliffs once or twice then I really laid off it for some time. Still, she wouldn't go out with me because she thought I was too young. I was pissed off, and nothing seemed good anymore, it was like I couldn't be happy. I rang up my ex, Emma, the girl I lost my virginity to. So, it turns out that Emma had been completely depressed since I dumped her (I dumped her back in Feb 08 because I hated everything about her) so we decided to be fuck buddies. Basically throughout the summer most of the money I was earning full time was being spent on fun trips to Blackburn to see her, and well, fuck her. It was never a relationship.. we were both someone who the other person could have sex with without any strings attached.
Then the real fun happened. Adam, joined the hotel around mid August time. KP, Polish, very dumb but hey, he sold weed eh? He was a major drug dealer and for the first time I had access to any drug of my choice. We became very good friends and to be honest I got bored of Emma, I told her I didn't wanna see her anymore and that was that, we have not spoken since. I don't miss her, I don't miss the sex. So, all of the sudden I found myself in a decent position. I was working full time, and I had alot of cash at my disposal. By this time I had signed up for a different college course which was due to start in September - it was called a Programme led apprenticeship where we would spend 3 days at college and 2 days at work.
So, I had maybe 4-5 weeks left of work experience and one night I brought some weed off Adam. Went to my friends house, smoked it and decided that fuck.. this shit is amazing. From that night, it was a weekly thing. I would buy large amounts of weed and smoke it by the ounce each time. This whole time, I could have tried other things.. but I didn't want to, still don't. Theres something about weed that me and my best friend love.. its hard to describe the feeling when you're high, but its something I love so much that I still continue to do it.
So, I will continue more with the weed later, but for now I was still working at the hotel. Kenna, Fi, Abi, Sami, all bitches.. I hate them all!!! It was around late August when my hotel started taking the piss. They would call me to work on my days off, move my shifts around, tell me I had the day or evening off randomly. I never once complained, I still just slaved my ass away each day working most of the day for a pathetic £4.60 an hour. The hours weren't the worse in the world.. maybe I did around 32-35 hours each week, but I still did this sometimes on a 4 day basis, my work would just mess me around.
Anyway, college started, I was still working at the hotel so I told them that college was starting again soon, and could I go part time? They let me on part time, and for the first 2 weeks of college I worked at the hotel part time.. this whole time I was still buying weed on a regular basis.. nothing I'm proud of, but I do love the stuff. Then, one day I sat down and took a long look at myself.. I was bored. Bored of life, bored of working at some shitty hotel, bored of college. I had 1 friend. My best friend had stuck by me throughout all the summer... and all the people from college last year just fucked off. They never once tried to talk to me, or make contact .. some friends eh? I quickly quit college.. my reasons; I wanted more money, and I couldn't be bothered doing easy shit at college.
So, by this point we are recent, we're talking about maybe 3 weeks ago? I went into work, told them I had quit college and they all laughed in my fucking face. They laughed in my face about a choice I had personally made. I asked them if I could go full time again and they said maybe. Maybe to me wasn't good enough.. I needed a full time job, and fast.. so I started looking else where. Bingo, one Thursday night I found an advert for a commis chef in the Print Room in Bournemouth. I quickly sent them my CV seeing as its the best restaurant in Bournemouth. I went for an interview on Saturday morning, and after a 30min interview they got me in for a trail that night. The 4th of October.. I'll never forget. That morning I went to work, picked up my stuff and left. No more shitty hotels.. no more bitches I had to work with.. no more pathetic chefs bullying me everyday at work. New start, new job..
That night I got the job at the Print Room. I started full time on the 6th, Monday. I went to my old hotel sometime that week to pick up my P45 and I was just greeted with a bombardment of abuse, swearing and insults just because I had left. My response; For months, I worked with chefs who teased me everyday.. I worked my butt off, on a shitty wage.. I was never late, I was hard working and never once did I complain.. not once! The manager of the hotel, Matt, still had the cheek to come up to me and tell me I was throwing my life away by quitting college and my Job, that it was unacceptable to just leave, how I was a brat.. what a way to end it eh?
So that's where the story of the Lampeter Hotel ends, and the Print Room story starts. I am working 57-60 hours a week, over 5 days and I am on £1000 salary per month meaning I get £1000 each month no matter how many hours I work. Its the best restaurant in Bournemouth, and I am learning so so much its unbelievable.
I have it all.. a perfect stable job..but that's all I have. I am still under huge amounts of stress that I can't cope. I work so hard at work and yet there are no rewards to anything. Is there suppose to be rewards? I don't know.. but I still walk alone in the street. I still keep my head down, smoke a cigarette and have my music blasting through my headphones. I still get high at least twice a week now, although I have stopped buying it for good and decided that if I am ever going to smoke it, I won't be paying for it. I also still have not made any new friends at my new job, and my mate is being annoying as of late. I am finding that I'm catching his lies out one too many times.. I hate it. I have become so careful with him.. nothing he says at the moment I believe without proof.. its harsh but hes told me before he lies about everything.. then a while on I start picking up on lies.. then I realise "yes, he is lying"
I have nobody to talk to about anything. I don't want shitty parents to talk to, they are too old fashioned for me to talk to.. I don't like telling them personal stuff either..
So, I write it here. And let my inner thoughts out.
Life is shitty. I hate life. I need a cigarette as well.
I began working in the hotel in June.. it wasn't quite the busy summer period yet but we were still busy enough to be doing alot of people for lunch and dinner. I made alot of friends there.. or so I thought. Carli, wow, this was the girl I liked.. nice waitress, 20 years old. I can't believe how fucking stupid I was to even like or look at her. She is a complete bitch, like all girls. Me and Carli met up a few times outside work.. she introduced me to weed, we did a few spliffs once or twice then I really laid off it for some time. Still, she wouldn't go out with me because she thought I was too young. I was pissed off, and nothing seemed good anymore, it was like I couldn't be happy. I rang up my ex, Emma, the girl I lost my virginity to. So, it turns out that Emma had been completely depressed since I dumped her (I dumped her back in Feb 08 because I hated everything about her) so we decided to be fuck buddies. Basically throughout the summer most of the money I was earning full time was being spent on fun trips to Blackburn to see her, and well, fuck her. It was never a relationship.. we were both someone who the other person could have sex with without any strings attached.
Then the real fun happened. Adam, joined the hotel around mid August time. KP, Polish, very dumb but hey, he sold weed eh? He was a major drug dealer and for the first time I had access to any drug of my choice. We became very good friends and to be honest I got bored of Emma, I told her I didn't wanna see her anymore and that was that, we have not spoken since. I don't miss her, I don't miss the sex. So, all of the sudden I found myself in a decent position. I was working full time, and I had alot of cash at my disposal. By this time I had signed up for a different college course which was due to start in September - it was called a Programme led apprenticeship where we would spend 3 days at college and 2 days at work.
So, I had maybe 4-5 weeks left of work experience and one night I brought some weed off Adam. Went to my friends house, smoked it and decided that fuck.. this shit is amazing. From that night, it was a weekly thing. I would buy large amounts of weed and smoke it by the ounce each time. This whole time, I could have tried other things.. but I didn't want to, still don't. Theres something about weed that me and my best friend love.. its hard to describe the feeling when you're high, but its something I love so much that I still continue to do it.
So, I will continue more with the weed later, but for now I was still working at the hotel. Kenna, Fi, Abi, Sami, all bitches.. I hate them all!!! It was around late August when my hotel started taking the piss. They would call me to work on my days off, move my shifts around, tell me I had the day or evening off randomly. I never once complained, I still just slaved my ass away each day working most of the day for a pathetic £4.60 an hour. The hours weren't the worse in the world.. maybe I did around 32-35 hours each week, but I still did this sometimes on a 4 day basis, my work would just mess me around.
Anyway, college started, I was still working at the hotel so I told them that college was starting again soon, and could I go part time? They let me on part time, and for the first 2 weeks of college I worked at the hotel part time.. this whole time I was still buying weed on a regular basis.. nothing I'm proud of, but I do love the stuff. Then, one day I sat down and took a long look at myself.. I was bored. Bored of life, bored of working at some shitty hotel, bored of college. I had 1 friend. My best friend had stuck by me throughout all the summer... and all the people from college last year just fucked off. They never once tried to talk to me, or make contact .. some friends eh? I quickly quit college.. my reasons; I wanted more money, and I couldn't be bothered doing easy shit at college.
So, by this point we are recent, we're talking about maybe 3 weeks ago? I went into work, told them I had quit college and they all laughed in my fucking face. They laughed in my face about a choice I had personally made. I asked them if I could go full time again and they said maybe. Maybe to me wasn't good enough.. I needed a full time job, and fast.. so I started looking else where. Bingo, one Thursday night I found an advert for a commis chef in the Print Room in Bournemouth. I quickly sent them my CV seeing as its the best restaurant in Bournemouth. I went for an interview on Saturday morning, and after a 30min interview they got me in for a trail that night. The 4th of October.. I'll never forget. That morning I went to work, picked up my stuff and left. No more shitty hotels.. no more bitches I had to work with.. no more pathetic chefs bullying me everyday at work. New start, new job..
That night I got the job at the Print Room. I started full time on the 6th, Monday. I went to my old hotel sometime that week to pick up my P45 and I was just greeted with a bombardment of abuse, swearing and insults just because I had left. My response; For months, I worked with chefs who teased me everyday.. I worked my butt off, on a shitty wage.. I was never late, I was hard working and never once did I complain.. not once! The manager of the hotel, Matt, still had the cheek to come up to me and tell me I was throwing my life away by quitting college and my Job, that it was unacceptable to just leave, how I was a brat.. what a way to end it eh?
So that's where the story of the Lampeter Hotel ends, and the Print Room story starts. I am working 57-60 hours a week, over 5 days and I am on £1000 salary per month meaning I get £1000 each month no matter how many hours I work. Its the best restaurant in Bournemouth, and I am learning so so much its unbelievable.
I have it all.. a perfect stable job..but that's all I have. I am still under huge amounts of stress that I can't cope. I work so hard at work and yet there are no rewards to anything. Is there suppose to be rewards? I don't know.. but I still walk alone in the street. I still keep my head down, smoke a cigarette and have my music blasting through my headphones. I still get high at least twice a week now, although I have stopped buying it for good and decided that if I am ever going to smoke it, I won't be paying for it. I also still have not made any new friends at my new job, and my mate is being annoying as of late. I am finding that I'm catching his lies out one too many times.. I hate it. I have become so careful with him.. nothing he says at the moment I believe without proof.. its harsh but hes told me before he lies about everything.. then a while on I start picking up on lies.. then I realise "yes, he is lying"
I have nobody to talk to about anything. I don't want shitty parents to talk to, they are too old fashioned for me to talk to.. I don't like telling them personal stuff either..
So, I write it here. And let my inner thoughts out.
Life is shitty. I hate life. I need a cigarette as well.
Friday, 6 June 2008
I joined a gym today!
Wow, its so not like me to do something like that as I am a lazy git but I decided to give it a shot with my friend Elliott and see what happens. I loved it.. its a great gym, lots of stuff to do etc. I plan to go 4 times a week; Monday, Wednesday, Friday and either Saturday or Sunday. Each time I go I'll do a 2 hour work out where I'll work on everything in my body. Then on a Thursday if I get the chance I will go swimming there and swim a few lenghts of the pool.. nothing to big. Yeah, should be good - if I can keep it up. Obviously I'll keep this blog updated on how its going, and post some pics of the gym seeing as its really nice.
I have work this weekend which is a bit shit.. 10am-6pm both days and then Monday is just gonna be so busy I won't get a chance to sleep or breathe haha. I have to wake up at 6, go to college, clear my locker out.. go home, then get back into Bournemouth and get to the gym by 10am for my induction and another 2 hour workout. Then I gotta pop and get my tutor at college some flowers on behalf of my group (another friends idea haha) and pop back to college for about 2:40pm in time for my exit interview. Then I gotta take my books back, give back my locker key because I have finished college now till next year. After this I gotta make it to Bournemouth train station by about 3:45 to catch the Cross Country service to Birmingham, change, go to Preston, change go to Blackburn...
I travel till 10pm...
:(
All worth it though....
I have work this weekend which is a bit shit.. 10am-6pm both days and then Monday is just gonna be so busy I won't get a chance to sleep or breathe haha. I have to wake up at 6, go to college, clear my locker out.. go home, then get back into Bournemouth and get to the gym by 10am for my induction and another 2 hour workout. Then I gotta pop and get my tutor at college some flowers on behalf of my group (another friends idea haha) and pop back to college for about 2:40pm in time for my exit interview. Then I gotta take my books back, give back my locker key because I have finished college now till next year. After this I gotta make it to Bournemouth train station by about 3:45 to catch the Cross Country service to Birmingham, change, go to Preston, change go to Blackburn...
I travel till 10pm...
:(
All worth it though....
Thursday, 29 May 2008
Welcome to the kinda good life!
Sorry I haven't written here in ages but I've not really had much to talk about and also I've been busy with stuff. I started working at the hotel as a chef now, I do weekends for the moment, and the odd weekday here and there - come the 16th of June though I will be there full time and I honestly cannot wait a single bit for it! College is awesome too at the moment, I have a reduced timetable so the only time I have to come in is on Thursdays and Fridays. Which means the rest of the week ends up bumming around my friends house, and then drinking with other peeps. Money is a bit tight at the moment too. Well, I say tight, its non-existent really. My own fault.. if I hadn't of brought a ton of stuff in Game then I wouldn't have been so short on money. I get paid tomorrow, and I have to again use it all! I have a cheque for £40 in my back pocket which I am yet to cash in, when I do that will be a bit of money extra on the side. But even so, that takes a week to process through my bank.
I met this amazing girl at work the other week, she's beautiful, funny, outgoing and everything I like in a girl.. I asked her one night after work if I could go round her flat (as she has her own flat.. she's 20 by the way) and she said yes. Then we spent about 4 hours straight talking about everything and everything. That same night we decided we both wanted to go and see the new Indiana Jones film, and because we're cheap we used orange Wednesdays to get 2 for 1 tickets haha. Now, I'm taking her out for dinner tomorrow night to a nice restaurant called wagamama's which I've been to, and it is very very nice - check the link back there! I miss her already and I only saw her last night....
"the kinda good life" a life with hardly any money, hardly any college, but that special girl in your life to make everything else not matter.
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Monday, 12 May 2008
Yay, no more of my monday night practical!
Woo I went to college today and got told that we don't have any more Monday night practical lessons! Usually we would finish at about 8:30pm - 9pm but now we finish at 4! Yay! So today instead of working hard me and my best friend and everyone else went down the beach. I didn't wanna get burnt again so I just hopped straight in the water with my friends and we swam about for a bit as always. The water was dead calm today so we could swim about without getting battered by waves - even though those waves are great fun! Then I decided to jump off the pier and so I jumped off it, right towards the end of it as well where it would be most deep.
Yeah, so I jumped off here (see above picture) and as I landed in the water I dived in too close to the edge. Later on when I got out both my legs, and foot, and nipple (weird I know) were all cut up and bloody. God knows what happened I can't really remember, all I remember was jumping in, then attempting to swim back to shore, with the help of my friends dingy. I'm not a very strong swimmer see. I can swim, just not very strongly.
Yeah, so I jumped off here (see above picture) and as I landed in the water I dived in too close to the edge. Later on when I got out both my legs, and foot, and nipple (weird I know) were all cut up and bloody. God knows what happened I can't really remember, all I remember was jumping in, then attempting to swim back to shore, with the help of my friends dingy. I'm not a very strong swimmer see. I can swim, just not very strongly.
So, last time I wrote here I said I was going to quit smoking. Yeah that's gone out of the window now really. Just brought a pack of 40 B&H Silver today. I'll quit at a later date.. whenever that is.
The weekend was pretty fun as well actually. Every year there's this big food festival called the Christchurch Food Festival and I went to it and got some really yummy stuff. Basically small food companies from all over England come down and sell their top notch products. I got a range of cheeses, some fresh lemonade, a smoothie made with tons of home-grown fruit, some organic meat, some tomatoes, non-dried garlic, some bread, some dips and other stuff which I can't remember. I blew £150 somehow though. Well, my parents did, not I personally though. Saw a ton of college lectures there too and Karl, who used to be on my course but quit. He was working in a hot dog stand and I said hi.
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